Terri Sullivant

Cultivating Your Oasis of Peace

 

​He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.  They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind.Psalm 107: 29-31 (NIV)

​​

On our way to Kansas City in 1987, the Lord highlighted these verses from Psalm 107 to me. The whole Psalm is about God coming to rescue and provide what people need in tumultuous times. There truly is nothing new under the sun. We live in an imperfect world with lots of challenges. There will be many storms that we will walk through in our lifetimes, including those within our church communities.

​​

God is with us during every storm, and He wants us to cry out for His help. When we do, He will come to our rescue. In Psalm 107 He promises to hush and calm the waves and winds, and to guide us to our “desired haven.”

​​

The word “haven” means harbor or port; place of safety or refuge; a place offering favorable opportunities or conditions.

​

I have personally experienced this repeatedly throughout my lifetime. I’ve discovered that we can inhabit this “haven” He provides for us – it becomes our own oasis of peace where we can abide and live at peace with our families and friends in our communities. The storms will come, but we will be able to return to joy and peace from all the emotions they create. It is a shelter in every storm.

​

What do we need to do to “get there”?

• Cry out to the Lord. “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.” Psalm 107:28 (NIV)

• Practice gratitude and golden memories. Connect with Immanuel in them.

• Engage with Immanuel amid your emotions. Allow Him to calm the waves.

• Anchor the new story of returning to peace and joy from those emotions.

• Share with your family and friends and help them follow these same rhythms.

• Enjoy each other and live together in the oasis of shared peace and joy.

• “Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind.” Psalm 107:31 (NIV)

 

My husband, Michael, and I have been serving in leadership in churches since we began following Jesus. We have experienced many storms in our 48 years of ministry. Wherever you live and work, you will encounter those storms – church included. Because we have higher expectations of what we will experience in Christian communities, the disappointment can be greater. There are mentalities and patterns of relating in religious groups of people that can be mind-bending. Don’t let that make you “quit” church altogether! That is the enemy’s plan, not God’s. You may need to change communities if the one you are in is too unhealthy, but do find another, healthier one. Because there are no perfect people, there will be no perfect communities.

​

Amid imperfect communities, we can create a haven of peace with others who are like-minded and doing the practices we have learned. These healthy rhythms build stronger attachment with the Lord and one another. This is where we can abide in our haven of peace, our refuge from every storm.

​​

We were able to do this with our family in our years of ministry. We also were able to find a “community within our community” to live with in peace and joy. I’m so grateful for this! The Lord did provide for us our “desired haven” just as He promised.

​​

Words of Wisdom from Coach Terri

I wholeheartedly encourage each of you to find your tribe and create a haven of peace. Having a strong support system is essential, especially when life presents challenges. It's like being anchored in a storm; you need that stability.

​​

It is also essential to prioritize your time with God. By connecting with Immanuel, you open the door to His sanctuary, allowing yourself to find comfort and strength even in the most turbulent times.

​​

Immanuel truly can and will calm your storms and guide you to your desired haven; it’s His promise to you and He always keeps His promises.

The Helper

 

"Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send Him to you. And when He comes, He will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment… When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth, for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak…" John 16:7-8,13 (ESV)

 

Jesus spoke these words to His disciples as He prepared to go to the cross. They were filled with sorrow at the thought of Him leaving. I imagine what it must have been like to be in that room, listening as He said something like, "Guys, you don't understand—if I don't go, the Helper won't come. The Holy Spirit is His name, and you desperately need Him." I can almost hear the urgency in His voice. He deeply wanted His disciples to understand how incredible this gift would be, and how much they would need the Holy Spirit.

 

The Holy Spirit is the Helper and the Comforter. How amazing it is that now, as born-again believers in Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit with us every moment—24/7—and also living inside of us? He is always there to share God's thoughts, His words, His convictions of sin, and His motivation to do what is right. Jesus died not only so we could be forgiven, but also so that we could have the constant presence of the Holy Spirit living within us.

 

When I read the Old Testament and feel frustrated by the repeated idolatry and sin of the people, I often wonder how difficult it must have been for them to try to follow God's laws without the Holy Spirit dwelling inside them. Under the New Covenant, inaugurated by Jesus' death and resurrection, we now have so much more available to us. We have the Helper—God's own Spirit—living with us and within us every single day.

​

God sent the Helper because we truly need help—daily. But how aware are you of the Holy Spirit in your everyday life? Do you hear His voice speaking to you, guiding your thoughts? Scripture says we have the mind of Christ, meaning His thoughts are available to us if we pause, listen, and engage in prayer. Are you aware of His gentle nudges—or sometimes even His obvious direction? His help is available, but we must desire it. We must desire Him.

​

 

Each day, my husband and I begin by quieting ourselves in gratitude. As we thank the Lord, we invite Him to speak—to share His thoughts with us. Gratitude is like the password into His Presence, and He always responds. This begins a conversation that can last all day long.

 

Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise! Psalm 95:2 (ESV)

​

 

I encourage you: take full advantage of the Holy Spirit who is with you to help, comfort, and guide you through every moment of your life. His resources are endless. When you're tired, He helps. When you're tempted—He strengthens. When you're lonely—He comforts. He is like a well that never runs dry. Jesus did not leave us alone when He left. He left us with One who would give us constant help and comfort if we would only believe and receive what He offers.

The Grief Cycle

 

The years between 2004 and 2014 were a period of adversity that eclipsed all the difficulties of my previous life. To survive it all, I had to learn how to grieve well. As long as we live, we will experience many sorrows (as well as joys!) and therefore we must learn to grieve well.

Taking my cues from a description of the Messiah in Isaiah 53:3, I began to understand something. It is this: the key to healing well from all the sorrows and losses we experience is to become well-acquainted with the entire grief process and to master it. As I agreed to commit myself to understanding the stages of grief and practicing them with every sorrow and loss, I have genuinely been able to heal without getting stuck forever in incomplete grief. 

​

There are several valid models for grieving; the most well-known is the Kubler-Ross model. In that paradigm, there are five stages of grief: shock and denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are all necessary stages we must go through, and we help ourselves if we commit ourselves to cooperating with the process. When we finish, we are free to move on in life. 

​

I personally believe that there is one more stage at the end that needs to be added to complete the process, that is "engaging a new reality." There is a necessary disengagement from the past reality because it is either lost to us (no longer exists) or it is detrimental to us to re-engage with that reality. So, I believe that engaging a new and healthy reality is essential to completing the grief process so we can fully heal. Until the other five steps have been completed, however, it is not effective to try to jump straight to this one or to attempt it too early.

​

Each stage of the grief cycle comes with its pitfalls and potential victories:

​

1. Shock/Denial. This stage involves suppressing grief. Acknowledging the pain is essential to moving forward, as denial numbs the emotions until they resurface.

2. Anger. Anger arises as one confronts the pain of loss. It's important to express this feeling healthily, as unprocessed anger can turn into bitterness. Talking it out with trusted individuals can facilitate this process.

3. Bargaining. In this stage, individuals may negotiate with themselves or a higher power, seeking to rectify injustices. Getting stuck here leads to a perpetual quest for resolution, so it's vital to accept what cannot be changed.

4. Depression. When efforts to resolve the pain fail, individuals confront the reality of their loss. It's necessary to feel this pain to fully heal and move toward acceptance.

5. Acceptance. Acceptance means acknowledging the loss as part of your story, allowing you to integrate it into your journey without resigning to a diminished quality of life.

6. Engaging a New Reality. This final stage involves embracing life anew. Acceptance leads to the opening of the door and hope for better things ahead.

 

I've found within myself an innate resistance to the grief process, probably because I want a quicker fix, am in denial of my need for it, or am reluctant to let myself feel the full impact of loss. Courage is required to agree to becoming "a man/woman of sorrows, well acquainted with grief." If we muster the courage to go the distance with the grief process, we can end up with a new and enduring peace, empowerment, and greater compassion towards others as they, too, find themselves in need of walking down this road.