Be Still and Know That I Am God

A broken home and broken people left me broken at a young age. I felt like the world had given up on me and discarded me. At 15, I was in my first relationship, where I lived in manipulation, abuse, control, and drugs. It shaped my early adulthood. When I left that relationship, I thought I found freedom; little did I know I was walking alongside the enemy, and sin ran rampant over my life. Sexual sin and drug abuse took over for many years. That's where Jesus first found me. The life I thought I wanted left me on the floor crying out, “God, take me from this life, take me from this earth. I don't want it anymore.” I hated everything about who I was and what I had become. At the time, I thought, “He’s not listening, He doesn't hear me.” Today, I know He was saying, “Be still and know that I am God.”

At 24, I was far from the life I had been living before. I reconnected with someone from my past— God's promise. A man who puts no bounds on love. For the first time in my life, I knew what unconditional love felt like. He had a child from a relationship in his teen years. A year into dating, God blessed us with our first child, a son. 2 years later, a baby girl and a marriage. But the shackles of my broken childhood, generational curses, and the person I used to be still weighed me down. I got the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I knew I needed healing so that I could take care of the life that was given through God's grace.

In April of 2025, I stopped my bipolar medication. It wasn't my life sentence. Just like the generational curses passed down. Within the same month, I turned 30, and the Holy Spirit said, “That Bible your mom gave you a few years ago is in the drawer in your den. Go get it. Open it and read.” I started in the book of John. The first verse I highlighted was John 8:12. Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness because you will have the light that leads to life.” And then the verse that touched every wound was John 17:16. Jesus said, “You did not choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.”

By August of 2025, I was baptized. I had repented for every sin I had committed. I gave forgiveness to those who wronged me, but most importantly, I laid down my life at the feet of our Lord and Savior. Like the song that was played during my baptism, Made for More- so why would I make a bed in my shame, when a fountain of grace is running my way? I know I am Yours, and I was made for more. God has a purpose for our lives. He has a purpose for our pain. He doesn’t call the equipped; he equips the called.

God says to me, “My sweet child, it ran in your family until it ran into you. All that hurt that you endured are your weapons to slay the enemy who thought he had authority over you and your life.” He's still working on me to fulfill his purpose in my life. John 15:2-4 Jesus says, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be more fruitful. You are already clean because of the words I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear the fruit unless you remain in Me.”

Don't count yourself out or sell yourself short of the love and life Jesus has for you. He met me right where I was. If you call on him, He will answer. Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Erin Brown

A Sister of the Crown